Last week I talked about how our struggle to truly embrace who we are is at the core of our difficulty with trusting others.
I want to offer a few suggestions to you in the process of fully embracing who you are.
Get out of your head. We all have the tendency to live in our heads. When you think about it that really is the worst place to live. In our heads we come up with the worst scenarios about our situation and ourselves.
When living in our heads, we seem to focus on our negative experiences, the things about us we do not like and do not want others to know about. We are usually not afraid to trust others with what we are good at or when we have a good idea. But we struggle to let others know about the negative or less than wonderful things. The truth is all people find themselves living here sooner or later.
Getting out of your head begins with your willingness to put in writing the negative things about yourself that you are struggling with. Make time each day, week or month to get alone in a quiet, safe place and focus on those areas and write freely about them. Don’t think about who will see it or who you will share it with; that will only get in the way of your free flowing thoughts. Write about your anger, shame, resentment, rejection, etc. There is something transformative that takes place when you get your thoughts out before you.
Be honest about your story. As humans, we have a natural tendency to self-protect, and that tendency can lead us to make up the story we prefer to tell ourselves when we have a bad experience rather than facing the truth. Accepting the truth can be very difficult because we have become comfortable with the false story we have been telling ourselves.
I recall many years ago I was working for an organization where I was part of the executive team. I made a bad decision that led to serious consequences for me, my family and the organization. My first response was to tell myself the story in a way that I could be the victim, and everything and everyone else was at fault. Only when I was willing to be completely honest and get the story out of my head by writing it down was I able to begin the process of truly embracing myself rather than being ashamed of who I am.
Share it with someone. I still recall the day I shared my honest story with someone for the first time. When I was finished reading what I wrote, he asked me, “Now what are you going to do with what you have discovered about yourself?” My response was, “It is part of who I am and I should fully embrace who I am.” That was the beginning of a journey that has led me to not fear trusting others. But more importantly, I now fully embrace who I am and no longer live in my head with the negative things I am ashamed of and afraid others will discover.You may wonder who you can trust to share such powerful and painful things about yourself. I encourage you to first focus on writing the story, and you will likely discover in the process someone with whom you will risk sharing your story. I am firmly convinced God will guide you in the process because it is His desire that we trust one another.
If you would like help in achieving your goals in any area of your life, call us at 208-880-0307 or email us at errol@errolcarrim.com to schedule a complimentary coaching session. To read Errol’s other posts, visit Christ-Centered Life Coaching.