Category Archives: Sample Posts

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Changes Will Come Whether We Choose Them or Not

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Serenity prayerChange is inevitable, and you would do well to live in that reality and be prepared to deal with it when it occurs. But how do you respond to change so you are not defeated by it?

Be honest about how you feel and what you think about the change. Sometimes it may not be possible or wise to share that with the person who is the reason for the change until both of you are in a right frame of mind to do so. In the meantime, you need to be able to share with someone what you are thinking and feeling about the change. This honest sharing helps to decrease anger and keep resentment from building. It also serves to give you some perspective on managing the change.

Acknowledge what you have control over and what is outside your sphere of influence. This idea is well articulated in the first four lines of the well-known Serenity Prayer made popular by Reinhold Niebuhr.

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First Steps to Fully Embracing Who You Are

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writingLast week I talked about how our struggle to truly embrace who we are is at the core of our difficulty with trusting others.

I want to offer a few suggestions to you in the process of fully embracing who you are.

Get out of your head. We all have the tendency to live in our heads. When you think about it that really is the worst place to live. In our heads we come up with the worst scenarios about our situation and ourselves.

When living in our heads, we seem to focus on our negative experiences, the things about us we do not like and do not want others to know about. We are usually not afraid to trust others with what we are good at or when we have a good idea. But we struggle to let others know about the negative or less than wonderful things. The truth is all people find themselves living here sooner or later.

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Why We Find It Difficult to Trust Others

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Trust thrown in airWhy do you find it so difficult to trust others? Why do you find it amusing when a child is honest and trusting? You were once like that child, completely trusting and honest with those around you. What has transpired from childhood to adulthood that now makes trusting others so difficult?

I have spoken with many people who say they know they need to start trusting others but they don’t know if they can. When I ask why, the typical answer is, “I am afraid others would judge me or not like me if they get to know the real me.” They also fear letting others know that they are struggling.

Why do we find it difficult to trust others with who we are?

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Ultimately, the Buck Really Does Stop with You!

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buck stops hereThe phrase, “the buck stops here,” was made popular by President Harry S. Truman. The phrase was on his desk in the Oval Office as a reminder to himself and the nation he was leading that ultimately the final responsibility was his. The phrase implies that the responsibility for something cannot or should not be passed on to someone else. No one to blame, no scapegoating or making of excuses. Let that sit with you for a while before reading any further.

What might happen if you were to approach living your life in this way? Rather than doing the thing that comes naturally—blaming others and making excuses, you start saying, “the buck stops with me,” and you take total responsibility for your life.

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Getting Along with Difficult People

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Angry peopleWe have all encountered someone who we have a difficult time getting along with. Reasons vary for why we struggle to get along with some people, while we seem to have no problem with others.

With some, it is the short fuse or seemly uncontrollable anger. Others might have mood swings that make them hard to get along with because you can never tell what temper they’ll be in at any given time. Others are overly sarcastic. Then there are those who are never wrong and nothing is ever their fault; they are masters of blame-shifting.

We have all encountered someone who is challenging to be around, whether at home or work. It may be a family member, a neighbor, a friend or an acquaintance. As a matter of fact, sometimes we are the ones who are hard to get along with. But let me offer some guidance for getting along with difficult people.

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Finding Freedom through Forgiveness

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forgive&free“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” I am sure you have heard that saying many times. The truth is that the saying is misleading. Because while to err is human, to forgive is also human, aided by the divine.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing because our first thought when someone hurts us or treats us unfairly is to desire justice. We immediately want to hurt them back; we want them to hurt as badly as we did or worse; or to lose as much as we have lost—and more if possible.

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When Listening is Most Difficult

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Ears pluggedLast week I looked at listening as foundational to a healthy relationship. If you are to have and maintain healthy relationships at any level, you must learn to be a good listener.

Listening is most challenging during conflict. In such cases emotions run high, with anger being the dominant. When emotions run high, reason can hardly prevail. And without reason rising above emotions, conflict escalates, often leading to serious consequences for all involved. Many times in the middle of a conflict you may have heard the phrase, “You are not listening to me!” Or perhaps you used it yourself.

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Good Listening is Foundational to Healthy Relationships

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good talkTo be human is to be in relationship. We cannot survive without it. Whether you are a parent, neighbor, friend, spouse or a leader, you depend on healthy relationships to get along with others. The foundation on which all relationships are built is good communication. When communication is good, relationships are healthy; when communication is poor, relationships are poor as well. Regardless of whom you are relating to, good communication is the key to building and maintaining a healthy relationship.

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Busyness: Control–or be Controlled

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OverwhelmedLast November I wrote a two-part blog on busyness. The subject is again on my radar because the most popular response I get when I ask people how they are doing is, “I’m busy.”

Recently, I told a friend who gave me that very answer: “I hope you are controlling your busyness rather than being controlled by your busyness.”

The person was surprised by my comment, as if they had not thought about whether they were in control of their busyness or if it was controlling them. As I thought about my answer and the person’s response, I began wondering about how many of us are being controlled by our busyness rather than controlling it. I wonder if many of us have even realized that we can control our busyness.

Let me suggest a couple things that can lead to your busyness controlling you.

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When Life Gets Too Busy, Meaningful Relationships Die

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Cellphone familyWe live in a fast-paced culture in the United States. We are constantly busy going places in person or online, without enough time to do all we desire.

These days, I see a lot of families eating out due to their busy schedules. It also seems to be the norm for everyone to have their heads buried in their electronic devices while they wait on their food. There is more conversation with the server than among family members.

This fast-paced life has contributed to the demise of meaningful relationships in our lives. We either do not know how to connect in a meaningful way, or are not willing to take the time to do so, because the process is too slow. Instead we Facebook, tweet, Instagram, snapchat, WeChat, WhatsApp and Pinterest our relationships. Some of us will more quickly answer a text than return a phone call because it is too time consuming. And sadder still – many of us wear that sentiment as a badge of honor.